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Monday, November 24, 2008

vampires and stakes make pretty pies. @ 11:31 PM

it don't make any difference to me.
what the world thinks about us, baby.

someone asked me today, for only the billionth time, if I was a fan of Twilight.
sweetheart, for only the billionth time, thats an assertive and very emphatic:

No, I do not like Twilight.
No, I am not a fan.
No, I do not think Edward Cullen is hot.
No, the vampires are not appealing in any way.
No, their situation is not at all romantic.

Twilight is, succintly, badly written, cliche, predictable, frustrating, pointless, has no plot to speak of, flat characters, an extremely boring romance and a useless huge fanbase.


whats the hype about it?

so Edward's supposedly hot.
(My foot he is, seriously.)
so Edward would rather kill himself than live without Bella.
(what a jellyfish he is. I CAN'T BREATHE IF YOU DONT. MUST. SLIT. THROAT. NOW.)
so Edward romanticises Bella to no end.
(really, this is the worst possible thing a guy can do. shoot me Bella, because your fingers on the trigger hold more beauty than the morning sky!)
so Edward's an freaking vampire.

Vampires are, get this right, not vegans.
They don't hang around and be all pretty for single little desperados to come along and pick them up.
Nuh-uh, really kiddo.
The books do lie!
Imagine that!

Did I mention that they also don't exist?
Yeah, definite con there.

Okay, I get it, dragons don't exist either.
But do you see them having a worshipping following of hormone-fuelled girls?
Not really.
Actually, I'd be pretty disturbed if there was one.

To sum this post all up:
Twilight is just overrated.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

ticket to somewhere. @ 9:24 PM

someone please tell me that this is everything that I'm doing wrong.

Its only another 20 days till I'll be steamboat sauce in Malaysia.

Anyway, I've only got another week left of school.
On Monday, I'll have to wake up extra early for a Biology breakfast thing with everyone in my Bio class (that's nine of us), grabbing bites to eat at Cafe Vamp then hurrying off to Bio to dissect a mammalian eyeball.
Yeah, I have my whole life planned out.

You know what I hate?
The feeling that life is just rushing past too quickly.
I really don't want to leave this part of my life, this underage stage.
I don't want fake IDs, I don't want alcohol, I don't want clubbing.
(Yeah, this where you huff and stare at me like I'm a dimwit.)

I don't really want to turn eighteen.
Its too old!

I do want to go to university, it still seems so far away.
So far away, always.
But now I realise that I have to start putting my applications in by next year.

This depresses me.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

blind mice. @ 2:10 PM


I don't know if I've ever shown you guys back home a picture of my closest friends here in Australia.
So here are the folks.
[right to left]

Kiran (Kiz) in the pink dress; she's my current roommate and has been so for the past five months.

Li Ying (Ling) in the white top.

Pamela (Pam) whose birthday dinner this was, in the silver dress. Ex-roommate.

Serena (Sena/SuhREEEEEnah) in the floral top, you Cempakan kids would know her.

Guang Wei (GeeGee) in the cool beige overcoat.

Priya (Pri/Pripri), yours truly, in the dress top and fishnets.

Mikella (Miks/Miki) in the leather biker jacket and red hair.

This is my boarding crew, missing Jennifer, who was sick that day, and Rosalyn, who was taking the photo.

Jennifer and I going a little wild.

Rosalyn, Miki, I and Pam after climbing over the boarding house gates in heels because we got locked out.

These are my friends.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

thanks for the memories. @ 7:01 PM

its been almost a year since I relocated to Australia, fifty two weeks since I finished my last paper for the SPM, and too long since I looked back onto everything that has happened to me this year.

I remember, the first day I came to this boarding house.
first saw the room I was to share.
first ran all around, to every room, with Pamela, exploring.
first had dinner in the dining hall.
first sat down with those people who would become some of my closest friends ever.
first day of school.
first classes.
first time I felt so lonely in eight years.

first time I wore stockings.
first time I took the public transport myself.
first time shopping without my mother.
first time I could step out without asking my parents.
first time I had a bank card.
first time I had alcohol.
first time I had anything that was remotely assossiated with drugs.
first time I had to deal with people on my own.
first time I was in a major position in a play.

I vaguely remember my initial apprehension and upset that I underwent when I first came.
the lonliness, the not knowing anything about anything, the feeling of not fitting in.
the disappointment.
the improvement when I began mixing, began getting to know the tiny student cohort of the IB.
the anxiety and uneasiness as we struggled to establish our places and friendships.
the absolute recovery as I settled in with those friends, our relationships firmly set.

that was the start of a different stage of my life.
now, I wouldn't have changed it for anything.
but despite me being so happy, and content with what I have at the moment, it saddens me that already my older memories start to wane; leeching colour like sepia photos in albums.
little things we say we'd never forget, never leave behind, never lose sight of, we'd never, never, never.
never let happen.

I miss you.
you're the only reason I'm coming back for any span of time.
otherwise, I'd have gone to Gold Coast with Mikella.
I don't care if I never set another foot in Malaysia for the rest of my life;
but its because you guys are there that this little toe will be too.

you know something?
in the space of this ten days or so, I've posted more than I have in my old blog of seven months.

Monday, November 17, 2008

seventeen. @ 10:05 PM

happy birthday pam!
seventeen years of trouble-making.
a year of best-friending.
just went out and did sheesha and shit.
blog about it tomorrow.

you know, sometimes.
this thing called love?

yeah, about that.

I know nothing about love.
but enough to know that this was never it.

he told me this once, with that imperceptible twinkle in his eye, (that twinkle that made you want to look away), he said that this was never love.
I believed him then.
I believe him now.

we used to talk of stars and gold sheets to wrap ourselves in.
of lies and evasion, of risk and risque.
of the water boys in the war, running to quench thirst and blood.
of haute couture and hate, animal skin and fragile fingers.
of pterodactyls and pomeranians.

we used to talk.

now we see each other, we might smile.
we might share a little piece of us with the other.
we know.

killing ourselves with everything that might have never happened.
everything that never happened.
anything that didn't happen.

this was never it.

we knew it from the start
(at least I did)
this massacre of our wants.
holocaust of desire.

yes, I'd like another fries.

leave this to us.
we never knew how to do this right.
we'll continure getting it all wrong.
but all wrong is the
only way we know how to

(I might love -)

if I told you the truth.
would you?

Sunday, November 16, 2008

splinters for sale. @ 11:16 PM

extracts from certain conversations held at some point this week.
guess which speaker in each conversation is me?

"you see, if he does bad things, its karma. karma will come around,"
"...but, but he's so hot!"
"yeah, thats probably why karma keeps coming round."

"was she pretty?"
"...well, she was... very nice,"
"so she wasn't pretty."
"I didn't say that! she was very nice. just not appealing to me, I'm sure there are other guys who would like her."
"yeah, but you don't think she's pretty."
"...you're evil."

"I love me! I can't stop looking in the mirror. Oh, I love you too."
"thanks for finding some space in your heart for me."

"I was thinking..."
"did it hurt?"

"I've been meaning to tell you, but I'm broke."
"do you know what this means?"
"yes I do. but tell me anyway,"
"I'm going to have to give up being straight. ten years from now, I would have moved in with my coke-snorting girlfriend with our adopted kid who will be a victim of homophobes. and it will be all your fault."
"you know, I have a cookie jar."
"well, thats nice,"
"and in this cookie jar, I have cookies. If I sell all these cookies in the cookie jar, some mystical and unknown force will allow me to obtain an enormous and unending amout of money."
"so now I won't have to be lesbian?"

"yeah, but it was raspberry rice pudding for dessert,"
"and the zombie?"
"that was the topping,"
"in your head?"
[if you got this joke, kudos. if you didn't, its a fantastic song.]

''you know that french song, the one that goes..."
"the beat and tune were actually stolen from an english singer who wrote the original song about a gay couple, but one of them leaves the other for a girl,"
"and the chorus actually goes 'he gives me head! ooohohoooohhh' "
"want to hear the song? I've got it here;"
"not particularly, no."

"do you live here?"
"no, just moved here from India,"
"oh, so your Indian?"
"no, I just live in Switzerland,"
"but you just said..."
"French accents put me off,"
"I'm kind of lost,"
"You'll find yourself if you travel. Just don't go to Italy. You never know when the buildings will collapse on you."

Saturday, November 15, 2008

the drugs don't work! @ 8:58 PM

so anyway, i've finished all of my written papers now.
only have my english oral left, and i'm sort of completely free of exams for the next two weeks, until school actually ends.

so i met yi shen yesterday.
dude was my classmate for four years or so.
then he left for australia (and didn't have to suffer through the spm).
and after nearly a year of me being here, then he decides 'hey, i know priya, lets call her.'
and he calls.
and we step out.
and spend one and a half hours talking about the randomest things and love lives.

at first i felt pretty awkward and everything (i hate being awkward, yeah), but then, it was suddenly so good to see someone i had known for ages and ages.
and all the gossip that came with him also helped (:

sometimes i feel like i need to rewire my brain, and this time match the blue wires to the blue ports.
you know, colour code it properly and everything.

tasha wanted to get tagged, so here's something for you guys.

soundtrack of my life.

opening scene.
something really weird and quirky.
Ca Plane Pour Moi by Plastic Bertrand.
(yes, its french, twenty years old and fantastic.)

waking up.
Good Morning by The Clipse.

average day.
Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap.
'What the hell, is going on?'

first date.
Ain't Got The Confidence by The Filthy Youth.

falling in love.
Brighter Than Sunshine by Aqualung.

fight scene.
Different by The Acceptance.

breaking up.
Don't Turn Away by Ra.

getting back together.
Energy by Keri Hilson.

secret love.
Burning Up For You by Karate High School.

life's okay.
Don't You Evah by The Spoon.

mental breakdown.
Gossip by Breathe Carolina.

Alabama by Paper Rival.

learning a lesson.
Hold My Hand by Unkle.

All Star by Smashmouth.

deep thought.
I Can Tell by Saosin.

The Party Song by Forever The Sickest Kids.

happy dance.
I Like To Move It from Madagaskar.

friendship moment.
I'll Be There For You by The Remembrants.

suicidal moment.
End of All Hope by Nightwish.

one night stand.
Talk Like That by The Presets.

I'll Cry Tomorrow by Cauterize.

long night alone.
The Rain by Foreverinmotion.

Pocket by Sam Sparro.

death scene.
Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve.

  1. Tasha.
  2. Krissy.
  3. Pathma.
  4. Paik Hwa.
  5. Anyone else who feels like doing this.

by the way, someone should warn the producers about bob.

What Bobthebuilder Means
You are full of energy. You are spirited and boisterous.
You are bold and daring. You are willing to do some pretty outrageous things.
Your high energy sometimes gets you in trouble. You can have a pretty bad temper at times.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.
At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.
You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.
You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.
And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.
You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.
You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.
People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

sounds like bob might attack the machines in a rebellious fit.

it never fails to escape my notice that;


the rattling of the windows makes her

want a little less, but a little more.

she always tries to step it up,

but her arms (today) are rather sore.

it doesn't matter;


she likes feeling safe.

windows; the memories chafe;

remind her of him. and how

he'd just climb in.


her phone rings, like the silver circlet enthroned

on her ankle. rings and clings; but who phoned?

even as the bells

move slightly in time with her footsteps;

and the button is nearly as

depressed as her when she has to ask 'Who's this?'

she likes knowing who calls,

maybe he will.


she will.


everytime she picks out a dress,

more care than she'd


tell me.

red pink blue green.

something new, he hasn't seen.

save this for the summer.

puts it back on

(only for him)

the rack.


she loves him.


she says his name with

a little less reverence, a little more


maybe she should tell him.

maybe he

(doesn't want her)

already knows.

she braids her hair for bed, two little,

knobs on her head, so in the morning

into flowing curls it'd settle,

long and loving.

I never usually write my poems without rhyme or structure/beat; there no structure/beat whatsoever here though. I had to slip rhyme in, because it violates my personal idea of what a poem is if I don't. I usually write about broken, damaged, or unrequited love if I was left to it, but this a poem dedicated to my roommate, whom I personally love with everything I have.

Kiran, I love you, you're the voice I wake up to in the morning, whether I'm depressed or lonely, ecstatic or on cloud nine, you're always there. You're always the 'au naturel' one, the happy one, the one who eats Milo plain, who chucks Scooter Scott Ovaltines at me when I really do need them. Its been five months since we started rooming together, and you have no idea how much you've been of help, support and aid in those five months, and your hugs should be bottled, branded, and sold.

Nik loves you too.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

heroine. @ 9:44 PM

this is all my fault.
please help me change, someone.
before its too late again.

I hate the way you make me say things I never thought I would.
I hate the way I act so differently around you, but still end up being me.
I hate the way you expect so much from me without saying anything about it at all.
I hate the way I tell all my friends about you, then feel ashamed that I did.
I hate the way you listen so well, but never remember anything of what I say.
I hate the way I tell you the truth, then lie to justify it.
I hate the way you make me feel inadequete, but so much more than I am.
I hate the way you tell me things to get a certain reaction, then pull me down when I don't give it to you.
I hate the way you concede to do things as if doing me favours, yet make me so happy when you do it.
I hate the way I wait and wait for you to speak to me, then punish myself when you don't.
I hate the way you don't speak to me for a week, then text asking me whats wrong, why haven't you heard from me.
I hate the way you don't look at me the way I look at you.
I hate the way you point out everything that's wrong with me, then tell me you love it.
I hate the way I have to explain the things I do for you, because you never really notice.
I hate the way you appreciate me more when you do notice.
I hate the way you appreciate me less when I do something you think is comprimising for my character.
I hate the way you sometimes don't understand.
I hate the way you make me feel hypocritical, when I know inside I'm actually not who I want to be.
I hate the way you make me cry, then talk to me like everything is alright because you didn't know you upset me.
I hate the way its so hard for me to tell you, even when I have the chance to.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I really do.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

ohno. @ 5:10 PM

hey, I don't know why my last post messed up at the last bit.
seriously, why is all my technology trying to screw me over?

hottie for today.

oh, damn, bby.
I want that.

so Tash was ranting about how Kira Plastinina didn't deserve to be a fashion designer at 16, just because her father could afford to buy her into the business.
I have to say though, some people just get all the luck.
if my daddy was a multi-billionaire, I'd buy over New Zealand and turn it into a huge petting farm.

kooky's the word for it.

I can't believe Krissy blames me for not seeing her!
I can't help it that you're not tall enough to reach over here.
Grow a little.
Did I mention that I have an SLR, Kris?
One of those semi-pro big digital cameras?
Cam-whoring would never be as fun as it will be with me.

and who needs boyfriends when I have my girls?
that sounds really wrong.

Krissy tagged me because she really has no one else to torture.
Love you Krissy.

1.Do you think you're hot?
Yeah, totally, compared to you.

2. Upload your favourite picture of you!

3. Why do you like that picture?

Because its typical of me. And I'm eating Pam.

4. When was the last time you ate pizza?

Today actually, for lunch. With Rosalyn and Pam, while testing Pam for the Infertility Act [did you know that you could have IVF done if you were psychologically infertile? Meaning that you didn't want to have sex? I didn't.]

5. The last song you listened to?
Talk Like That [Optimo Espacio Remix] - The Presets
6. What are you doing right now besides this?
Trying to convince someone that I truly am loving and caring. It doesn't seem to be working though.
7.What names would you prefer besides yours?
Rhenuka, Ashvin. Prishanka would be the best though, it'd make me sound Russian.

Monday, November 10, 2008

vampires never die. @ 9:58 PM


so I download messenger live beta 2009.
and now it keeps telling me that it can't find my contact list.
what crap is that?

oy bras, this isn't cool.

I know I'm weird like that when it comes to having the latest versions of things, like an OCD thing, but whatever.

the latest episode of True Blood has come out!
and my poor bill baby had to turn some random called jessica into a vampire to avoid being tortured for five years.
eric is so hot!
he supplants even bill.
I want eric for my birthday.

do you know what I hate more than not being able to use the latest versions of shit?
give it up, for one of the most horribly written series of all time.
really, I know I'm into vampires and all that, but this is just too bad.
edward, you can go and break your perfect little gay head on some boulder somewhere.

yeah, I hate it when characters lack flaws.
perfect + hot = bad stories.
even my incredibly drop-dead gorgeous figments of imagination have schizophrenia or something.
well, to me that makes them hotter.
uhh, yeah.

Three papers down, three to go.
Just another five days till I'll be able to get hung up on watching 90210.
Well, I don't really watch BevHills, but I need to put something there.

Neesha needs a mammogram, and if she leaves that place without her breasts exactly the way they were when she walked in, I'll sue someone.
Does that make you feel better, Neesh?

I feel nostalgic.
good times.

my zhou (:

this was like, ages ago. love never dies when its lesbian.

best friends at ascot.

Life's so different here.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

I must be... @ 9:01 PM


I have nothing more to achieve in life.

tagged by Banun.

Describe yourself in one word.

Mad. Anything, everything goes under that heading.

Who would you pick, someone who really loves you, or the one you love?
Someone who loves me. What’s the point of picking the person I love if he doesn’t love me right back?

Have you ever loved someone before but never had the courage to tell him/her?
I’ll get back to you on that one when I do fall in love.

How would you deal with a face-to-face rejection?
I’d prefer it over an online or text rejection, but that probably won’t make anything easier. Try to forget about it, I suppose.

God is giving you just 5 more minutes before going back to heaven. IF you love someone special, what will you say to that person?
‘I hope you die’.

What would you say to a person who doesn't want to believe you?
Nothing. Just shrug.

Was ever a time that you tried to learn to love someone?
Why bother?

What's your opinion about someone who's jealous?
I’d want to know why.

Do you have something special with you all the time?
No, and I don’t think my looks count for anything.

Best place to cry?
There’s a preferred spot to cry now?

Who do you love the most?
Depends on the type of love you’re talking about.

Tell us of your dream last night?
I was flying.

Ever hated someone so bad?
Not to that extreme, no.

The biggest and most hurtful lie you’ve heard?
“Its not that I don’t care about you…”

The last person you had a beer with?
Never touched beer.

The last person you went to the movies with?

The last person you talked on the cell phone with?

The last person you hugged?

The last person you yelled at?
Really snapped and yelled at? Alyssa.

In the last week have you kissed someone?
In the past seventeen years, have I kissed anyone?

Danced crazy?
Today. I do it every day.

Think of the last time you were angry, why were you angry?
Because I hated the way certain people treat my roommate.

If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?
Another wish? (:

If you could have an all expense paid trip, where will you go?
Europe. Egypt.

Would you or have you ever blackmailed someone?
I have, and I would.

Are you old fashioned?
Old fashioned? No. Prude? Yes.

What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?
That I loved them.

What would be the hardest thing for you to give up on?
My independence.

Five facts About Me:-
I eat way too much, or way too little.

I live with my friends. Its fantastic, and horrible.

Imaginary characters talk to me in my head.

I have much insecurity when it comes to friendships.

I like writing.

Five things that scare me:-
Getting left behind.

Insects in general.


Getting in a relationship.


Two Songs Playing in My Head Lately:-
Jupiter Rising – Electropop

I am Ghost – Killer Likes Candy

Five Things I Treasure in My Life:-

A stable family.

A stable country.

Getting my Australian PR.

My friends.

Two "First Times" in My Life:-

When I first wore stockings as a fashion accessory, and wasn’t struck by lightning.

When I first took public transport by myself and didn’t kill myself.

One day, I'll wake up to an announcement that Obama's life is going to be scripted and made into a billion-dollar film.

Anyone up for a bet?

I give abandonment an entire new meaning, the way I blog once then forget all about it.
I hope I will never treat my kids that way.

"Can I please have something to eat?"
"No, dear, err..."
"My name's Jack."
"Oh yes, Jack, my little bundle of joy, I'd give you food, except I don't have any to share."
"Oh, I see, mom."
"By the way, why do you keep calling me mom?"

I can totally see that happening.
And my husband would be a knock-out boxing champion on tour.


a little bit gr33kish, off the beaten road.
falls through every promise and kisses every toad.
always on the wrong end of the rainbow.


ann nie


November 2008, December 2008, January 2009, February 2009, March 2009, April 2009, May 2009, June 2009, July 2009, August 2009, September 2009, October 2009, November 2009, December 2009,


Designer: infravermelho
Codes: mannequin}