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Friday, February 27, 2009

one day. @ 2:20 PM

I want to own a cow.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

feels like years. @ 9:47 PM

50th post.

this is the longest time i have ever stuck with any one of my diaries or blogs.
and you can imagine how long the others lasted when i say that 50 posts are akin to me practically marrying my blog.

i get bored very easily;
fickle hardly begins to cover it.

unfortunately, the happy dogmark of fifty posts has only more teenage angst to be dealt with.

issue one.

seriously, how hard is it to tell me what you're angry about, when you're angry with me?
it hurts me when you get annoyed with me and snap at me, and i really have no clue as to what i've done to put you in such a bad mood.
you say that there's no point to telling me or talking about it because you get over it.
but my point is that if you just tell me what irks you, you'll have nothing to get over in the first place.

then you say that you don't feel like its your place to tell you what you like or not like about your behaviour.
this is about compromise.
we live together.
if i piss you off every other day, how are we to get along?
i know you say that so far this year, you've only been annoyed with me twice.
but believe me, its incredibly painful when one of the people closest to you growls at you 'don't talk to me.'

please try to understand.
tasha and i had an idyllic friendship from that aspect; we became so accustomed and used to what the other liked/disliked that despite our viciously bitchy fights in the early years of our friendship, by the time we were in form four we rarely had reason to be annoyed with the other.

why can't you be like that sometimes?

(jen thinks its incedibly sweet that we argued over this - she thinks we sound like an old married couple. pam doesn't want to tell me what i do that annoys her because she thinks it would hurt me, and i want her to tell me what upsets her so that i won't hurt her. jen has a maliciously badly-timed sense of humour.)

issue two.

i am not your friend.


you might think that because i bear with you and sometimes smile at you in corridors that i'm somehow okay with you trespassing into my personal space without invitation.

how dare you come to our apartment without informing us, without being invited, without asking us, then ringing us from ground floor and telling us to bring you up?
its our apartment.
not yours.
and we are not your bosom buddies for you to merely inform us of your presence and see it fit to make us fetch you up like the paid footservants we seem to be to you.

so leave me alone.

issue three.

is wholly to do with my incompetence.

the end.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

spontaneity. @ 8:08 PM

its all about spurring that moment on.

we felt like taking a walk down glenferrie because we could and we didn't really need a reason to do so.
so we did.
that giddy feeling of freedom as you skip straight past the sign-out book and through the doors.

hey, we're swinburne kids, we do whatever we like.

we walked down and down, past thaithai, past nando's, and we were going to go further probably.
but i glimpsed streetwise.
and i said, hey lets go in.
pam shrugged and smiled.
why not?

so we went into streetwise because we felt like it.
because we could.

we ran our fingers over all the keyboards and computers.
macbook air.
macbook pro.
some samsung wide LCD screen that was pretty cool.
the new ipod nano with its elongated screen.

"look, its the new iPod nano."
"looks exactly like all the other iPods to me."

then we stumbled out.
and i said we had to go back because i didn't actually hav egeneral period off.
so we turned around.

rachel and su were at the lights.
we pranced around a little, though my prancing was a little limited because su tried to pull me off rachel when i wanted to hug her.

the lights turned green.

pam turned around.
'race you to the school?'
and we ran, leaving rach and su behind.
all the way to the little gate.

because we could.
because we felt like it.
because we didn't need to.
because we wanted to.

sometimes there are moments in life you don't want to forget.

I'm turning eighteen this year and already I don't want to lose my memory.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

fuming like. @ 10:16 PM

for some reason, i have this weird inclination to write all of my stories and poems in this strange, abstract, disjointed manner.
and also not capitalise at all.

this blog is a perfect example of small caps, but i didn't choose it to be so.
i only realised it after i added the layout, then decided it was perfectly suited to my current writing moods.

anyway, am attempting to write something now.

why can't i write anything pointedly happy?

Monday, February 16, 2009

and there was. @ 11:11 PM

i miss my camera.
i miss my dog.

i wish i was a different person.

i always miss what people would consider the important days to blog on.
but i think that enough has been said on the subject of valentine's day and love to power all the cars and trains in the world.

gg had her birthday dinner with us on saturday night (valentine's day basically).
was great.
its not that often that all of us get to have dinner together.
all eight of us.

well, technically its become nine, with Ling now becoming a part of the group.
actually, I think she has been a while now.
but I have slow reaction times.

today is set to be another of those self-hating days.
because obviously i bring everything upon myself.
and i know it.
but i'm just stupid, silly, and weak.

i'm not content.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

and hell freezes. @ 11:57 AM

taptap sound.
"knock knock"
"who's there?"
"jen who?"
"jen I fucking hate knock knock jokes."

if you haven't already heard, the massive trail of destruction left in the wake of the victorian bushfires released enough smoke into the atmosphere to completely obscure my view of the city from my apartment.
killed over 180 people in one day.
who needs nuclear weapons anymore?

the worst part of the whole matter is that half of the fires were caused by arson.

whatever shark attacks, humans are our own worst enemies.

I having to think about which universities to apply to.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

swelter. @ 1:06 PM

its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.
its damn bloody hot.

I want to move to Alaska.

I love My Fair Lady.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

newsflash. @ 11:47 PM

I forgave her.
well, I knew it was going to happen.

you make me so angry sometimes.

stop snapping at me because you're in a bad mood.
stop blurting out stuff I expected you to keep confidential.
stop making me feel bad and apologising for things I shouldn't be sorry for.

stop being my best friend.

my problem is that I care too much.
would you care if I died tomorrow?
would you?

I thought that I was somewhat secure with you;
but now I'm pretty sure.
that the people closest to me are those who throw me off.

I know I'm insecure.
you would have issues too if you were me.

don't you understand that I try not to let you get on my nerves?
why can't you do the same?
or at least tell me without biting my head off whatever it is that bothered you?

is that so very damn hard?

I suppose so.

you know what?

because I know I would have forgiven you by tomorrow morning.
and I will be hating myself for it.

neesha I want to talk to you.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

a day in the life of. @ 7:45 AM

a typical daily routine.
because I can.

7.00 am
awakening. sun's already up. stumbling all over the place trying to find my phone and turn off the alarm, to find that its inside my pillowcase for some reason.

7.15 am
already showered. walk into Pam's room only in a towel and attempt to walk her up by repeating 'Pam, its seven fifteen' until there are some signs of movement discernible.

8.00 am
by this time, I've eaten, changed, pinned my hair up, and goofed around a little bit. TV was turned on during breakfast to watch some random show on shark babies. then we leave to start walking to school.

8.30 am
school starts. usually still hanging around the lockers; until the fact that we have to get to class is unavoidable.

stagger into the boarding house for recess, stare at the unappetising snacks, repress one's hunger, and stagger back out again to class.

crawl into the dining hall, pick at some mush they call food for lunch, die on the tables knowing that there's still another period to go.

break out of the classroom, race for the lockers, grab some eggs and other stuff from the kitchen, then begin the hike back to Swinburne.

reached swinburne, and realised that there was not enough food. have to rush down to safeway to get stuff. the lifts at swinburne won't work, so we have to figure out if we can use the emergency stairs and try to sneak out.

back at swinny's with the shopping. couch flop and turn the television on. watch soap operas brainlessly.

move fat asses off the couch and try to scrape some sort of dinner together with the least amount of effort and cooking materials possible.

eat the burnt dinner with ice cream. shower. hang around in each other's rooms and talk. resign ourselves to the fact that homework doesn't do itself, though that would be incredibly helpful.

come out of rooms for a break. sit outside on the balcony and enjoy the gorgeous view. yell down at rowdy drunks. play 'caught by the shark!' at the windows.

give up on studying and sit outside in front of the TV and watch all the action bits in Lord of the Rings. eat more junk.

sit in Pamela's room and talk. a lot.

12.30 am
realise that its really late and crash on the bed; not to move until the next morning.

life's pretty good.


a little bit gr33kish, off the beaten road.
falls through every promise and kisses every toad.
always on the wrong end of the rainbow.


ann nie


November 2008, December 2008, January 2009, February 2009, March 2009, April 2009, May 2009, June 2009, July 2009, August 2009, September 2009, October 2009, November 2009, December 2009,


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