moved into own apartment with Pam.
finally, we're out of there.
I was about to suffocate. but its alright. they're always extremely nice to me. its just certain things that grate you know. oh well.
I bought fags; for the first time.
it was a little unsettling.
this is going to take some getting used to.

friday 25th september
beginning of my trials.
god forgive, I need to do this.
I need to do this well.

no-one fully understands my need to leave, outside my best friends of course.
come on, how can none of you not feel the urge to uproot, leave, and go go go?
I don't want to stay here.
not melbourne, not perth.
I don't want to stay.

they argue, but you've had good memories here, you fit in, how can you want to leave, you're comfortable, we accept you, we're your friends.
yes yes yes to it all, I know, don't you think I know?
but thats not the point.
I've loved it here, melbourne, everything about it.
then why leave, they ask, they look at me a little puzzled.

I am young.
its been two years here, two fantastic years, unforgettable.
two years like those I used to pray for.
but I want to go, I want to live while I can.
england if I can make it, oh, the pleasure.
but if not england, then somewhere else, another city, sydney, adelaide, brisbane, just not here.

I want to go.
staying is,
its;
its not what I want.
six years in england, then post-grad in america, oh oh oh heaven.
I want new.
different.
away.
far far far away.

its not a bad thing.
if I don't make it, I have no choice, and it will be only my fault.
but if I could.
oh, you couldn't catch me, I'm off off off.

something about trios makes me want to believe in faeries.

thank you for doing little things for me. I never appreciated them like this before, before when I was a little angry, blinded, bitter. I do want you. I want you very much. thanks for thinking of me, thanks for caring. thank you for your love. I hope thats what it is.