of christ.

I know I've been horrible at updating, but bear with me yeah.
lots of things have happened, most of which I obviously do not plan on reliving, but whatever.

its almost a week till I turn 18.
I can't believe I wanted this so much when I was 11. just puts things into perspective, doesn't it? things that meant so much more before just holds nothing for me now.
I mean, its exciting and everything, turning 18, the big legal emancipation thing, but whatever.
it just means that now I'm actually allowed, by the law, to do the things I've always done anyway.

I don't need anyone's permission, so keep it.

now, over the past week, I've come across two major things that friends of mine have posted on their blogs that affected me greatly.

the first thing I will not mention, because my anger has abated and now I only feel sympathy, or pity, for her who could actually believe enough in such lies to pen her support for them with such righteous passion.
I felt a little betrayed by it. she's one of those few people I thought had enough sense to see and realise what was really happening.
obviously, I was misled.
this will not impact our friendship in any way. I should have known, taking into account our differences in background and current situations, that you would feel that way, and I would feel this.
I'm sorry for judging you.
I still think I'm right though.

secondly;
I was so touched by what you wrote about me. its a pity we don't talk about it, and I know what its like to not be able to say things. I'm glad you wrote it for me though, and I'm glad I know how you feel. it completed me a little bit more inside reading about it, and us.
thank you.
I wrote a little thing for you and posted it on Facebook, I don't think you read it, but whatever.
here it is again anyway:

I just read it. And it was my fault as well. I know you would probably pass over this, because its what we do to each other these days. They were real to me, and it was my fault, my fault for believing too much. You were always more grounded. We were children. We aren't anymore, and that changes everything, but thank you.
I do love you.


I need to call the Mill to make reservations for my birthday dinner this Saturday.
Complications, complications.

I hate time zone differences.